Navigating the rollercoaster of co-parenting can turn a simple meal into a forkful of dilemmas, especially when dietary preferences are thrown into the mix.
Take, for instance, this dilemma of a vegan mom’s anger after discovering her ex-husband’s menu of choice included chicken nuggets for their daughter.
It’s a small bite in the grand meal of challenges faced by parents serving up shared values from two different kitchens.
The mom reached out to reddit’s “Am I the A**Hole” page reached out for their opinion who was right or wrong in the situation.
She writes:
“My ex and I were vegan. I became vegan when we moved in together because he was vegan and he didn’t like there being animal products in the house. I learned more about the way food was made and I agreed.
I was vegan while I was pregnant and we’ve raised our daughter vegan for the past eight-ish years.
We divorced 15 months ago. He was not faithful but while he was a terrible partner to me, he loves his daughter and during this time I’ve tried to be a good coparent.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter from her dad’s house – he wanted to keep her late because he and his partner were going to take the kids (she has 3) to a matinee of Frozen. So it’s dinner time when I’m getting her.
As we’re driving home she says she’s hungry. I offered her my purse apple (I should have packed better car snacks for the ride) but she spies the golden arches out the window.
She has a full-blown meltdown demanding chicken nuggets.
We get home and she’s, like, blowing snot bubbles she’s so enraged. She howls her way through a bowl of leftover soup (honestly, I think I was just being an a**hole at this point because we have chick’n nuggets in the freezer I could have made but rewarding that kind of tantrum seemed like bad parenting).
She hates me, I’m a terrible mom, Dad would have let her eat chicken nuggets. She wore herself out crying.
She was upset when she woke up this morning asking if I ‘hated’ her because she ate meat (OBVIOUSLY, obviously, obviously not). I spent the entire drive to school reassuring her that I’m not angry with her but that I was surprised that she wanted them. I also reiterated I wasn’t happy with her behaviour of screaming and hollering when she didn’t get what she wanted.
I understand that sometimes our emotions feel big but we have to try and be in control of them and not the other way around.
But I AM f**ing p**sed because I wasn’t aware our hitherto vegan daughter was now eating meat and I feel like that’s a decision that I should have been informed about. I called him after she went to bed and he told me I was being uptight and he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d overreact. I’m controlling and I don’t need to be privy to every single thing he does when our daughter is with him.
I’m f**ing MAD. There are vegan options at McDonalds – he didn’t have to feed her chicken but since he did, I would have appreciated a heads-up.
I’d always felt like when she became old enough to choose her diet, I’d let her make her own decisions. But, like, I feel wildly, wildly frustrated that he unilaterally made this choice. I feel like I should have been made aware. I try to keep him updated on her stuff when she’s with me. AITA?”
The online community turned up the heat chiming in with serving a mix of support and sharp critiques.
The top comment says:
“Honestly? YTA. I’d say he should have told you but obviously you would have flipped. Clearly she wants to eat meat and she’s old enough to make her own decisions (to some extent). When she’s older and can comprehend more fully the nuances of the issue, she may choose to go back to veganism or maybe she won’t. But she’s an individual, not property, and she should be allowed to make some decisions for herself. I think you could choose to continue feeding her vegan food when she is with you because you, but be prepared she may not understand that and be somewhat resentful. But I don’t think you should control whether or not she eats meat when she is not in your presence.”
Another commenter sided with the mom saying:
“I’m not vegan or vegetarian, but I think it’s absurd how much anger people here feel towards those who choose to be. Your ex is a hypocrite and, you’re right, he made a unilateral choice about a major health and lifestyle associated decision that you made together. While you can’t and shouldn’t be able to control everything he feeds her, he absolutely should have checked in with you when he was considering it, so you’d at least be informed.”
What’s your take? Do you think the ex-husband should have informed her before feeding their daughter the chicken nuggets?
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